21 April 2017

Don't make me question myself, what the hell am i doing with you?!

16 April 2017

Spice it up

Hari-hari rasa berat dan statik. Nak buat apa kasi sedap sikit ni?

Mendaki? Travel pun macam okay. Apa lagi..

Disampahkan

Hari ini berdendang lagi Cinta Disampahkan setelah sekian tahun tidak mendengar. Kerna rasa palat dalam jiwa sekarang rasa mentahnya sama seperti rasa yang aku rasa dengan lagu puisi itu. Fynn Jamal sebenarnya tidaklah seteruk yang orang gembar-gemburkan sekarang. kan tiap orang itu ada terang gelapnya. ada baik buruknya. waktu-waktu fynn menulis puisi, dia taruhkan jiwa didepan pendengar. aku resap dan dapat apa yang dia cuba sampaikan dulu. dan sekarang mungkin dendangan fynn dah berbeza tapi tetap, jiwa yang sama yang menyampaikannya.

aku gadis yang disampah-sampahkan 
aku gadis yang dihilangkan
 aku pecinta yang ingin disayang 
aku ini bukan milik orang  

mencari diri di dalam kamu 
mencari maruah diri di dalam cinta kamu 
mencari nafas yang telah di matikan 
mencari langit yang telah pernah engkau kuningkan

"Kebahagiaan tidak terletak pada tangan orang lain, tetapi tangan kamu sendiri."

You are responsible for your own happiness. Memang betul pun. Tiap kali datang rasa pahit kecewa, aku akan cari jalan keluar. Neutralkan balik rasa tu. Aku tak nak berada dalam situasi yang boleh memakan diri aku sendiri. BROKEN? TAK BOLEH MOVE ON? Itu bukan lagi aku.

Aku bukan lagi gadis yang cintanya disampahkan. aku gadis yang cintanya dihargai dan dimengertikan. yang cintanya bukan berhenti setakat bait lirik dan indah susunan lagu. sudah-sudahlah. Namun, aku masih bukan milik orang...

Seperti manusia biasa, aku mengejar rasa togetherness, rasa that hey i'm belong here, with you. Apa lagi jika perasaan tu dapat dikongsi dengan orang yang paling dekat dengan jiwa. Tapi.. Apa boleh buat jika dia merasakan aku ini tiada kepentingan lagi? Apa boleh buat jika rasa itu mungkin tidak lagi sama, tidak lagi dikongsi apatah lagi disebut-sebut.

segala diam 
dunia memejam memandang aku:  

"dia bukan milikmu lagi 
cinta kamu dimamah api”


06 April 2017

Hunch

What if all my hunches were correct and will come true?


Will i cry & crawl. Will i mend & heal. Will i feel relieve & smile.

Facing the hard truth

It'll not be long until people had enough of you. How much people could tolerate the poor communication, the distance, the change in personalities, the stagnant, the pain & joy which not celebrated. How much could people tolerate you?

I would love to stay, to embrace & to love who you are inside & out, black & white. Be hurt by each other & mending the wounded scar.

I learned the hard way. Cause i know at the end of the road, in finale, all these will be meaningful. And i know you're also want the same.

Deep down, tell me, would you be with me  till the end?

04 April 2017

No more violent post, please.

I don't believe violence can bring justice. For example if you beat a burglar or snatch thieves to near death, it won't do both parties any good. Bring him to justice.

I really hate seeing violent clips lately. It is morally wrong & nothing good is coming out of it.

If you're mean to disable the criminal, do it with the right technique without causung bloody harm.

Hajat saya

Aku berhajat sangat dapat menunaikan ibadah umrah bersama mak, babah sekeluarga dan suami suatu hari nanti. Sebagai lambang ketaatan, ketaqwaan dan kesungguhan kami. Kalau boleh secepat mungkin setelah aku mendirikan rumah tangga. Walaupun sekarang tak nampak bayang suami, 😂, but this is my dream that i wish to come true. Insha Allah. Semoga jadi kenyataan. Amin amin.

Kalau aku ada semua ni di samping aku saat ziarah tanah haram dan melawat maqam nabi, alangkah bertuahnya hidup, berkahnya semua. Allahuakbar.

Sewaktu ke umrah kelmarin, aku rasa sembunyi-sembunyi. Aku nak orang-orang yang tersayang turut serta. Jadi tak perlu rasa takut dan sembunyi-sembunyi lagi. Aku mahu ketenangan tu kembali. Aku mahu buat sungguh-sungguh tanpa meminta-minta dunia kepadaNya lagi, kerana pasti, jika dapat kembali dengan orang-orang ini, doaku yang kelmarin didengari Tuhan. Sayangnya Dia pada hambaNya.

Aku mahu kembali ke tanah suci dengan rasa penuh dan bersedia.

30 March 2017

This has to stop

Stuck between being content & searching for the best.

I need to rejuvenate. My vile vomit might caused l'amour de la vie. Haih.

Bad dreams

Last night, I had a bad dream. And it taste close to what I've tasted before. The taste of betrayal.

Edit:
At little too late, but you must know. Your past is not his fault. His innocent. He has nothing to do with it. So stop being scared.

27 March 2017

Will i be able to hear your voice to sooth my day?

21 March 2017

Black night

I was waiting for the call, the call never came. Nor did your reply. Now all i can sense is your absence. Avoiding my presence.

Selamat Hari Puisi Sedunia, sayang.

On World Poetry Day, in the midst of everything, Sahidzan dedicated this to me. And I love it.


Kita itu apa sih?

Kalau saja kita ga pernah kenal ga pernah balas pesan ga pernah tutur kata ga pernah nemu pasti aku ga lemas begini yang mana semuanya pasti salahku yang kau tunding semua jari mu ya salahnya aku menerima kamu aku memahami kamu aku menyayangi kamu malah jasad dan nadiku berseteru dengan kamu padahal kamu ga pernah menganggap aku sebesar hama pun ga pernah peduli sama kita.

A little possession

When everything else feels heavy
Would you carry this world with me?

17 March 2017

Lucid Dreaming

You are now aware that you're dreaming - sedang berada dalam mimpi yang panjang. Sudah mulai takut untuk berjaga dan hentikan semua. You know that all you have to do is poke the bubble. You know, you don't want to live like this forever. And you started wishing,,,that when you open your eyes, you'll slowly forget everything. No memories remain. No pain.
But the hardest part is still remain
to wake up.

06 March 2017

I see. It's that easy to ignore a person you "love".

04 March 2017

She.... Should know by now that.. Whatever she does, only gain his nothing.
She.... Should understand by now that.. He acknowledged her nothing.

She.... Would walk away by now..
As he doesn't appreciate her like how she hold dear to his heart.

But she would like to think, to hope, to see changes in him. Because she knows what is he capable of. She trust him & know his strengths.

So she chose to believe him. Believe him still.

22 February 2017

tabung kawen

currently i saved up 500 ringgit untuk tabung kawen. took me four sem fucking break for two years.

the man-child would be so lucky to have me (as the bride).

Nudity

the final sem will be filled with nudity
filling my head with all kind of corruption
of time, space, money and love. 

i wonder if it will do any good to me. 

12 December 2016

why should i compete with your insecurities?