24 August 2016

Hidup sehari-hari macam tak bertuhan. Lupa syurga, neraka. Tidur bangun makan minum jalan. 


Setan.

Belum siap packing

Sempat kah tua? Bagaimana nasib hari tua ku kelak bermula dengan sekarang, hari ini. Tapi sakit sihat milik dia. Jika tak gagah, ada kah yang setia memimpin tangan ke kamar tidur bila malam mulai tua? Ada kah yang tak jemu menemani hari mengisi waktu yang terluang? Baikkah penghabisan?

Kalau mati muda, siap dah ke kita? 

22 August 2016

When the stress is too damn high

Smoke & suicide. 

Goodnight, Afiqah. 

16 August 2016

I adore myself when no ones shows interest. I love myself when others dismissed me. I picked myself up when life dumped me. I forgive & forgets when they stomped my heart mercilessly. 

Truth be told. I love and put people that i love on pedastal. After a while, unfortunately nobody would do the same for me. No one would ever think bout it.

Worth? Probably worthless. But I'm forever gold for me.

Should i be gone for to get attention? Should i show less interest to gain back more? Less love? Less compassion ? Should i Not be who i am? 

No. Because His love is fair & just. No. Because i refuse to be a less of a person. I am better. I can do better.
Not an inch of respect & empathy, and i still hold for so long.. I must have been crazy. 

So when is it for me that enough means enough? I let my myself down. Over and over again. 

10 August 2016

Mis-love

Tiada yang salah dalam jatuh cinta. Kau tidak dipaksa & memaksa untuk mengekalkannya. 


Old age

Surrounded by old people, make me wonder what they've done in their lives to earn this much of love, long fulfilling life? What they achieved, are they happy & grateful for it? 

What am i going to do with mine? What I'm supposed to do to earn it?

02 August 2016

After midnight

I should get it by now.. Just tell me when & where you wanna say it. I'll get prepared. I'll listen. I'll do what I'm  suppose to do. Just say it. Coz when you're done saying it, there'll be no u-turn. It'll be slow ride to death, for me. And I don't skip death. So give it to me already. Do it.. Quickly..  

24 July 2016

It's not I couldn't sleep because I feel lonely.. It's because i miss you dearly. 

Spent my day wondering if you'd call..or even text me, ask how's my day..or stuff. I guess I'm.. Least of your concern. 

22 July 2016

The meaning of life

Aku meniti jalan-jalan kehidupan yang tidak tersangkakan. Aku tidak pernah membayangkan pada dalam masa ini, umur segini aku sudah dapat menjejakkan kaki ke Tanah Suci. Tanpa kepayahan. Hanya perlukan kudrat dan kesanggupan aku. Rezeki yang datang melalui kedua ibubapa ku. 

Seumur hidup ini aku telah menjejakkan kaki ke beberapa tempat orang. Bermundar-mandir. Musafir. Melihat, merasakan sekilas kehidupan umat. Bibir hanya mampu mengucap kesyukuran atas kenikmatan. Tapi hati aku... Ikhlas kah dia menerima teguran Tuhan? Ikhlas kah dia berhijrah? Ikhlas kah dia mengubah diri menjadi baru?

Tiada selindung aku dengan Penciptaku. Dan aku tak mahu lagi sombong denganNya. Aku percaya Dia bawa aku ke tempat-tempat orang, berbekal beribu macam pengalaman adalah bertujuan - ada misi yang tersirat. 

Siapa aku dan diriku di dunia..
Siapa aku dan apa kan ku bawa ke alam baqa..


19 July 2016

At His Mercy

I miss hearing your breathing sound close to my ears at midnight. I miss everything i see you do. I miss how caring you can be when we're near together. 

Know that i poured my heart out pleading for yours, for us to joined in a blessed way, i plead to Him. I put us in His hands. As He knows the best for each of us. He loves us. 

And so.. May He replace this longing with His blessings. May He reward our patience with happiness. 

03 July 2016

Tiada pemilik

Suatu hari, aku akan pergi ke tempat di mana aku bukanlah milik sesiapa dan tak punya apa-apa.

Milik Dia. Dia pinjamkan semuanya. 

20 June 2016

Lana Del Rey





Blue Jeans dan West Coast dari LDR. I used to karoake to these songs and emotions was undeniably strong.

Yaël Naïm - Toxic

Aku kah yang sebenarnya membawa sial sunyi dalam dakapan seorang kekasih?



Mogwai - Take Me Somewhere Nice



23 May 2016

Mungkin salah lah saya membesar dengan lagu penuh madah pujangga seorang laki laki hanya tahu menghargai hati dan rasa dalam sebuah lagu dengan bait kata-kata disusun kemas tanpa sebenarnya melakukan apa yang diniatkan hingga menjadikan salah itu bukan pada saya mendengarnya tetapi pada betapa seriusnya seni luah rasa tadi diambil dan disemat dalam hati bahwa ya suatu masa nanti aku juga bakal dipuja dan pasangan ku cukup dewasa jiwa untuk tahu menghargai namun ini semua bukan lah carekarama drama maghrib maupun lagu ost yang sering bermain dalam tivi dan ingat lah yang dulu-dulu dah habis.

03 May 2016

Dear Becky with skanky attitude

Dude (perempuan), it is not cool when you're intentionally flirting with him, with side note oh i might be looking. Super uncool, girl. What are you? Eight?

🙄

25 April 2016

2 liters of plain water

Loving my skin tonight. Soft. Anjal. Probably because i drank 2liters of plain water today.  

24 April 2016

Adult conversation

Things that i learned about myself. There are two acts that i hate to the core;

First, janji tak ditepati. Walaupun sekecil hama. Worst when they're trying to make up an excuse. I can see through u. Dtop being pathetic. Just..don't lie. 

Second, tiada kepastian tentang sesuatu / assurance. Walaupun pada perkara yang remeh. Perempuan suka dan perlukan assurance!

Dua perkara ini bila dilakukan dengan sengaja tanpa ucapan maaf yang bermakna, ketahuilah yang anda akan menanggung akibatnya. 

Maybe they think that i cannot accept rejection / it is goddamnhard / but mind you, if you cannot handle to tell to my face the truth earlier / first, you're the worst. 

Sincerely,

Orang yang selalu kena ditch last minute . 🖕🏿

19 April 2016

Belum puas ku dengan mu

Can't believe that i cried because of a now dead-satisfying-good friend-long service-hard earned laptop. It just upgraded itself to Window 10. I love you oh laptop. U lived an honourable life.