22 February 2017

tabung kawen

currently i saved up 500 ringgit untuk tabung kawen. took me four sem fucking break for two years.

the man-child would be so lucky to have me (as the bride).


the final sem will be filled with nudity
filling my head with all kind of corruption
of time, space, money and love. 

i wonder if it will do any good to me. 

12 December 2016

why should i compete with your insecurities?

11 December 2016

Jangan Selindung

Minta lah (kepada ku) dan aku akan perkenankan. 
Kasar sekali kata-kata mu
Tak berlapik dan ngilu

29 October 2016

i checked, it's your once a month time.

your PMS is worst than mine. you stupid fool!

what we talk when we talk about us?

the problem with us is, we talk but we don't really communicate. we talk about things, petty things. we didn't express our thoughts well. we didn't tell each other why we're exclusive, why we should matter. we don't dream about each other anymore!

if only you could reach out to me as i try to reach into you.

neither of that matters to you.

why is a big question lying, floating in our heads.. or in this case, it's only been me.

why i feel like only i think all we have matters..
why would you ignores me
and why you go all quiet and surly when i ask you?
why why why

and when i try to convey, naturally you'll shut up, and ignore me.

and all you do is digging back your past! not even thinking bout ours but you, yours alone.

to think how selfish a human being can be, these provocative things that you're doing, this is it. and it's killing me.

and you'll push everything away, even me! making me a fool for wanting not let go. making me a tool for you...i don't event know what am i to you.

today's twitter entry would be..

>it's raining all day today. feeling lumpy and grumpy. made chicken curry. i'm sure tomorrow the gravy will be more thick. it'll be nicer to indulge in it.

>this time around i'm thinking of going to india. why? coz there's so much vibrant color. i'm sure tv only show me what i want to see. tempted. take for example, i'm here stuck in Bogor but i couldn't even get out of Dramaga. "Responsibility"

>i shall not care anymore. to say that is like lying to your pretty face, like spitting up in the air. it isn't right..

>but it is true.

>i think what i have now will soon expire.

>got nothing much to hold on to these days.

>what can i do what the person i love starting to dismiss me? i haven't get used to his "grand philosophy" of love. at this point..i'm afraid, i'd lose.

06 October 2016

Kalau kau boleh tengok hati aku menangis sekarang ni, haihhhh, lenjun!

08 September 2016


I have regrets. 

Dengan iman tak lengkap, menyesal tak tinggalkan hal hal dunia semasa di Mekah & Madinah. Siapalah yang sempurna. Aku dah dipanggil ke sana lebih awal dari jangkaan. 

03 September 2016

A table for two

a table for two chairs. and there's me. 

24 August 2016

Hidup sehari-hari macam tak bertuhan. Lupa syurga, neraka. Tidur bangun makan minum jalan. 


Belum siap packing

Sempat kah tua? Bagaimana nasib hari tua ku kelak bermula dengan sekarang, hari ini. Tapi sakit sihat milik dia. Jika tak gagah, ada kah yang setia memimpin tangan ke kamar tidur bila malam mulai tua? Ada kah yang tak jemu menemani hari mengisi waktu yang terluang? Baikkah penghabisan?

Kalau mati muda, siap dah ke kita? 

22 August 2016

When the stress is too damn high

Smoke & suicide. 

Goodnight, Afiqah. 

16 August 2016

I adore myself when no ones shows interest. I love myself when others dismissed me. I picked myself up when life dumped me. I forgive & forgets when they stomped my heart mercilessly. 

Truth be told. I love and put people that i love on pedastal. After a while, unfortunately nobody would do the same for me. No one would ever think bout it.

Worth? Probably worthless. But I'm forever gold for me.

Should i be gone for to get attention? Should i show less interest to gain back more? Less love? Less compassion ? Should i Not be who i am? 

No. Because His love is fair & just. No. Because i refuse to be a less of a person. I am better. I can do better.
Not an inch of respect & empathy, and i still hold for so long.. I must have been crazy. 

So when is it for me that enough means enough? I let my myself down. Over and over again. 

10 August 2016


Tiada yang salah dalam jatuh cinta. Kau tidak dipaksa & memaksa untuk mengekalkannya. 

Old age

Surrounded by old people, make me wonder what they've done in their lives to earn this much of love, long fulfilling life? What they achieved, are they happy & grateful for it? 

What am i going to do with mine? What I'm supposed to do to earn it?

02 August 2016

After midnight

I should get it by now.. Just tell me when & where you wanna say it. I'll get prepared. I'll listen. I'll do what I'm  suppose to do. Just say it. Coz when you're done saying it, there'll be no u-turn. It'll be slow ride to death, for me. And I don't skip death. So give it to me already. Do it.. Quickly..  

24 July 2016

It's not I couldn't sleep because I feel lonely.. It's because i miss you dearly. 

Spent my day wondering if you'd call..or even text me, ask how's my day..or stuff. I guess I'm.. Least of your concern.