21 March 2017

Black night

I was waiting for the call, the call never came. Nor did your reply. Now all i can sense is your absence. Avoiding my presence.

Selamat Hari Puisi Sedunia, sayang.

On World Poetry Day, in the midst of everything, Sahidzan dedicated this to me. And I love it.

Kita itu apa sih?

Kalau saja kita ga pernah kenal ga pernah balas pesan ga pernah tutur kata ga pernah nemu pasti aku ga lemas begini yang mana semuanya pasti salahku yang kau tunding semua jari mu ya salahnya aku menerima kamu aku memahami kamu aku menyayangi kamu malah jasad dan nadiku berseteru dengan kamu padahal kamu ga pernah menganggap aku sebesar hama pun ga pernah peduli sama kita.

A little possession

When everything else feels heavy
Would you carry this world with me?

17 March 2017

Lucid Dreaming

You are now aware that you're dreaming - sedang berada dalam mimpi yang panjang. Sudah mulai takut untuk berjaga dan hentikan semua. You know that all you have to do is poke the bubble. You know, you don't want to live like this forever. And you started wishing,,,that when you open your eyes, you'll slowly forget everything. No memories remain. No pain.
But the hardest part is still remain
to wake up.

06 March 2017

I see. It's that easy to ignore a person you "love".

04 March 2017

She.... Should know by now that.. Whatever she does, only gain his nothing.
She.... Should understand by now that.. He acknowledged her nothing.

She.... Would walk away by now..
As he doesn't appreciate her like how she hold dear to his heart.

But she would like to think, to hope, to see changes in him. Because she knows what is he capable of. She trust him & know his strengths.

So she chose to believe him. Believe him still.

22 February 2017

tabung kawen

currently i saved up 500 ringgit untuk tabung kawen. took me four sem fucking break for two years.

the man-child would be so lucky to have me (as the bride).


the final sem will be filled with nudity
filling my head with all kind of corruption
of time, space, money and love. 

i wonder if it will do any good to me. 

12 December 2016

why should i compete with your insecurities?

11 December 2016

Jangan Selindung

Minta lah (kepada ku) dan aku akan perkenankan. 
Kasar sekali kata-kata mu
Tak berlapik dan ngilu

29 October 2016

i checked, it's your once a month time.

your PMS is worst than mine. you stupid fool!

what we talk when we talk about us?

the problem with us is, we talk but we don't really communicate. we talk about things, petty things. we didn't express our thoughts well. we didn't tell each other why we're exclusive, why we should matter. we don't dream about each other anymore!

if only you could reach out to me as i try to reach into you.

neither of that matters to you.

why is a big question lying, floating in our heads.. or in this case, it's only been me.

why i feel like only i think all we have matters..
why would you ignores me
and why you go all quiet and surly when i ask you?
why why why

and when i try to convey, naturally you'll shut up, and ignore me.

and all you do is digging back your past! not even thinking bout ours but you, yours alone.

to think how selfish a human being can be, these provocative things that you're doing, this is it. and it's killing me.

and you'll push everything away, even me! making me a fool for wanting not let go. making me a tool for you...i don't event know what am i to you.

today's twitter entry would be..

>it's raining all day today. feeling lumpy and grumpy. made chicken curry. i'm sure tomorrow the gravy will be more thick. it'll be nicer to indulge in it.

>this time around i'm thinking of going to india. why? coz there's so much vibrant color. i'm sure tv only show me what i want to see. tempted. take for example, i'm here stuck in Bogor but i couldn't even get out of Dramaga. "Responsibility"

>i shall not care anymore. to say that is like lying to your pretty face, like spitting up in the air. it isn't right..

>but it is true.

>i think what i have now will soon expire.

>got nothing much to hold on to these days.

>what can i do what the person i love starting to dismiss me? i haven't get used to his "grand philosophy" of love. at this point..i'm afraid, i'd lose.

06 October 2016

Kalau kau boleh tengok hati aku menangis sekarang ni, haihhhh, lenjun!

08 September 2016


I have regrets. 

Dengan iman tak lengkap, menyesal tak tinggalkan hal hal dunia semasa di Mekah & Madinah. Siapalah yang sempurna. Aku dah dipanggil ke sana lebih awal dari jangkaan. 

03 September 2016

A table for two

a table for two chairs. and there's me. 

24 August 2016

Hidup sehari-hari macam tak bertuhan. Lupa syurga, neraka. Tidur bangun makan minum jalan. 


Belum siap packing

Sempat kah tua? Bagaimana nasib hari tua ku kelak bermula dengan sekarang, hari ini. Tapi sakit sihat milik dia. Jika tak gagah, ada kah yang setia memimpin tangan ke kamar tidur bila malam mulai tua? Ada kah yang tak jemu menemani hari mengisi waktu yang terluang? Baikkah penghabisan?

Kalau mati muda, siap dah ke kita?